When it comes to the relationship between people and horses the old saying of, “it’s not the destination, it’s the journey that counts” couldn’t be more true. The science of horsemanship involves knowing the technical aspects of how to fly the equine plane or sail the equine ship. Like a computer, we need to know the difference between the “save” button on a horse or the “delete.” However, the art of horsemanship involves empathy and psychology, along with a determined focus, to always find the perfect balance between respect and trust.
A horse sees his or her rider as a force to be reckoned with, but nothing to be afraid of when a rider knows how to not only push the buttons correctly on a horse, but also knows how to read and feel the energy and emotions of a horse well enough to do so with just the perfect amount of pressure in just the right place at just the right time. A rider must be neither too hard nor too soft on a horse, and then a horse begins to dance instead of merely obey. The real magic begins when a horse knows that you not only know where the buttons are, but that you also know where the horse is at emotionally and that you can adjust yourself to their psychological needs.
Having said that, perhaps the most dramatic example of this concept is when it comes to the difference between “making a horse go” and “letting a horse go.”
Whether we are working with our horses on the ground or in the saddle if we let a horse go when we needed to make a horse go then the horse will not respect us. On the other hand, if we make a horse go when we needed to allow a horse to go then it will not trust us.
Imagine you are with your horse - either on the ground or in the saddle - you want your horse to just stand still and quiet, but your horse moves. Pulling or jerking on the head of the horse to whoa may or may not get your horse to stand still, but it does nothing to develop a willing partnership. Jerking a horse to whoa is bullying and forcing yourself on an innocent. A horse is a prey animal, and they are willing to stand still and be quiet when they have no stress. If your horse needs to move when you don’t want it to, then rather than forcing the horse to stand still, perhaps we could ask the question, “why doesn’t my horse feel comfortable enough with me in this environment to be willing to stand still?” If your horse both respected and trusted you then it would feel that being with you and not leaving you was in its best interest.

Knowing the Difference
The art involved here is not to use bullying tactics to force a horse to be with you. You can’t really force anyone to want to be with you. Your horse, your family, your friends should want to be with you because they respect, trust, admire and yes, love you. Not because you threaten them if they leave.
Horses will give themselves over to us willingly if we are careful enough to read “why” they need to leave us, and then respond appropriately. If the body language of a horse indicates that it is frightened and/or it respectfully leaves, then we should simply allow the horse to move, otherwise it will not trust us. Soon the horse will trust us and be relaxed enough to be willing to stand with us. On the other hand, if the body language of a horse demonstrates aggressive or rude body language when it moves then we should definitely “push” the horse to go or it will never respect us.
While you’re standing with a horse and it walks forward through your space on the ground with a high head pulling on the bit while you are in the saddle, then you have been walked through and pushed. If you push back by telling the horse to do a turn on the forehand, then you have met push with push. By pushing the hindquarters of the horse away from you during the turn on the forehand your push not only disengages the movement of the horse, but it also brings the horse right back to you. You essentially said with your response, “since you pushed through me I’ll push you right back to me.”
You might be surprised just how quickly doing two or three turns on the forehand with a pushy horse will get it to make it his/her idea to stand still willingly. On the other hand, a horse backing up away from you is offering “passive resistance” and yes, it is moving and it is leaving you, but it is not being rude to you when it is leaving. Backing away from you, more often then not, is the horse’s way of saying, “nothing personal, but I’ve got to go.”
If you try to stop or push this horse it will only become stressed and worried, and it will not be able to trust you. However, when the horse backs up on you, you actually back away from it yourself while on the ground, or simply turn the horse without any aggressive push forward; you meet passive with passive and more often than not the horse will then engage back to forward movement and come right back to you. A horse will trust you if you let it go when it needs to go, and before long it is willing to stand still.

Bowing Out
We have an expression in our culture called “bowing out” and it comes from the horses. Naturally, within the herd when a horse wants to move but it can’t go forward because if it did it would be intruding upon the space of a dominant horse, then that horse will lower its head and back up, bowing out saying, “with all due respect I’m in over my head here.” You never see a dominant horse get aggressive with a horse who is bowing out. When a horse bows out, let it go, and it will trust you, start to relax. Soon he will not feel the need to bow out and will be ready to stand still.
We also have other expressions such as “uppity” or “cold shoulder.” When a horse moves towards you flipping or twirling its head at you or has its head turned away from you but is bumping into you with its shoulder, then it is time to make it go or it will not respect you. How assertively we make a horse go should be determined by the tell tale signs. A horse pushing you with a curled calm tail needs a mild push back as it is merely testing your self esteem and boundaries. A horse with a swishing tail is more intrusive and will need a slightly firmer push away. While a horse who is “high tailing it” with his or her tail held high like a flag in the wind is feeling very playful and competitive and needs yet a firmer and more determined push away from you. A horse with a wringing tail is aggressively challenging who pushes whom and needs a serious, “get away from me with that attitude.”
Adjust your push accordingly and you’ll balance a newfound respect with trust. But never push away a low headed horse with a closed or tight tail. This horse is sullen and overwhelmed and if it needs to move it needs you to release it, and allow it to move, or it will never be able to trust you.
When horses find that we care about them enough to stay in the moment and not only know where to push the buttons, but also how often and how much as well as when not to push the buttons, then they see us as shepherds looking out for their best interest. They want to be with us. Yes, we all love our horses, but it is the fine art of empathy and awareness for the true needs of a prey animal that helps them decide to love us in return. Remember, ask not what your horse can do for you, but what you can do for your horse.