January 2015 - Horsey Humor
Written by Bob Goddard
Wednesday, 31 December 2014 18:53

 

Guilty as Charged

by Bob Goddard

 

Banks are now offering credit cards that allow you to put photos of you and your horse on them. This makes perfect sense. Credit purchases and horse ownership go together like bowling balls and gravity.

 

I want one, of course. The main reason I want one is because they exist. But I also think a bank card with a personal horse photo could serve a practical purpose. If the practical purpose is to annoy my wife.

“Jenny, I’m thinking about getting a photo of Vinnie and me put on our credit card.”

“And I hope you two live happily ever after.”

Jenny always wishes the best for people and their horses.

“No, Honey, I think it makes perfect sense. For all of us.”

“You don’t need a picture of you and a horse on a credit card. What would you do with it?”

“What we’ve always done with it. Plus show it to people.”

“You want to show our credit card to people?”

“Sure. Anything wrong with that?”

“It depends on what part of the card they’re looking at.”

She has a point. But just because I can’t pass the card around at the lesson barn doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy having it. It would be a morale booster every time I got it out of my wallet. It would be a reminder of why we work so hard. A reminder of the good things in life. A reminder of why we need credit cards in the first place.

I think the only other credit card I’ve ever had with something special on it was our Detroit Lions bank card featuring the team’s fearsome logo. It was the year they went 0-16. I remember writing a lot of checks that year.

A credit card with a photo of Vinnie and me would be a source of pride, not to mention a great conversation starter. What a neat way to meet other horsepeople! I met several Lions fans this way. But they were mostly bitter and jaded. I’m thinking most horseback riders would be a little less suicidal. Except for the eventers.

Of course the problem with conversation starters is that they can get you into conversations you may not want to start. I could see pulling out my horse photo card to buy groceries and ending up in something like this:

Cashier: “Hey, that’s you!”

Me: “Yes, that’s me.”

Cashier: “And is that a horse?”

Me: “Yes. “That’s a horse.”

Cashier: “Is she your horse?”

Me: “She’s a he.”

Cashier: “You mean he’s a stallion?”

Me: “No, not exactly.”

Cashier: “What do you mean?”

Me: “He’s been gelded.”

Cashier: “Oh, that’s nice. What color was he before?”

Me: “On second thought, I think I’ll just write a check today.”  

Should There Be Limits?

The issue here is not really about how we pay for things. It’s about utilizing the amazing digital print technology we have at our disposal to adorn our world with images of the things that make us happy - in this case a horse. So why stop at credit cards? We have the capability to put our horses’ photos on just about anything and everything: stationary, envelopes, business cards and screen savers are some good classic choices.

T-shirts and other articles of clothing make sense. Up to a point. Then there are bumper stickers and coffee cups. Refrigerator magnets. Napkins. Kitchen appliances, Living room furniture. Almost anything! Children. Pets. Although I’d stay away from putting photos of my favorite horse on certain bathroom supplies.

The photo placement could be made personal. My bald spot could finally be put to good use. Talk about a great conversation starter. Another good place would be at the bottom of my beer mug. Would you like to see a photo of my favorite horse? Be with you in a minute.

Jenny says the whole notion is getting absurd. She thinks it’s never a good idea to do something for no other reason than you are able to do it.

“Besides,” she adds, “you’re worrying me. You’re starting to act more horse crazy than your daughters ever did.”

I guess I’ll have to plead guilty to that.

 


Freelance writer Bob Goddard lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan, with his wife, Jenny, and assorted pets. His book is Horse Crazy! A Tongue-in-Cheek Guide for Parents of Horse-Addicted Girls. To order, and to read his humorous blog, “Bob the Equestrian,” visit www.horsecrazy.net.